


Lizard? Lizard.

by subtropicalStenella



Category: Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Eats Lizards, Anakin eats bugs, Existential Crisis, Food Issues, Gen, It's Pretty Gross, Live Lizards Get Eaten, Rex Is Confused, This May As Well Happen, What is wrong with you people, and grossed out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtropicalStenella/pseuds/subtropicalStenella
Summary: Discussions on TCW Novelization, Togrutan Predation Instincts and "Aliens Do Weird Things That Are Actually Perfectly Normal, You Speciest Dick" spawned... This.Guess that's one way to get out of a writing slump.





	Lizard? Lizard.

He hadn't planned on an existential crisis today, but here he is:

Sweating his ass off despite his kit's enviro, wedged under a rock shelf because it's the only source of decent shade to wait out the literally-blistering heat of this fuckdamn shitheap of a desert moon crossing into the path of its star without the shelter of its completely uninhabitable planet. It's apparently going to be a couple hours until the moon is cast back into shadow. A couple hours of heat his enviro monitors are telling him is fully  _ seven percent  _ higher than he is built to tolerate.

 

His commanders are  _ fine  _ with this. Unnervingly so.

General Skywalker had shrugged, sprawled out in the hard-packed clay under the ledge with a section of his robes pulled over his face to take a  _ nap.  _

 

“Conserves energy,” Skywalker had grunted, and Commander Tano had nodded in firm agreement.

 

Except she had opted to conk out on  _ top  _ of the rock ledge, flopping down spreadeagled on her back and baking herself, apparently “properly warm for the first time in,  _ ugh, ever.” _

That had been tolerable. It had gotten  _ weird _ when the little green coppi lizard had skittered out from under a nearby hole in the clay, tongue flickering and frills flaring.

Commander Tano’s head had popped over the edge of the rock almost instantly at the sound of tiny claws over dusty ground, the pupils of her eyes  _ huge  _ and attentive.  _ Hunting.  _

 

“Wh--”

_ Shhht!  _ from General Skywalker, who hadn't moved, other than to tap his thigh with his boot twice.  _ Hold position. _

 

Commander Tano's claws dig into the underside of the rock as she pulls herself slowly, silently over the edge towards the unsuspecting lizard. She's able to get right on top of it, since it seems to be enjoying the sun itself, its three beady eyes blissfully closed until her clawed hand darts down, seizing it around its skinny middle.

It _shrieks_ squeakily, kicking and flailing as she pulls it up over the ledge, and then the noise stops with an unsettlingly wet crunch. 

 

“Nice catch,” Skywalker mumbles offhandedly, still half asleep. 

“Think ish godda nesht,” Tano slurs, like she has her mouth full. “Ish fff’male.”

“Nice.”

There’s more crunching.

 

_ “The hell?”  _ he yelps, unable to contain the confusion as Commander Tano clambers down the ledge to shove her hand into the hole the lizard had crawled out of, and coming up with… more lizards. 

Smaller ones, squeaking and kicking, whiplike tails thrashing as they bite at her fingers.

She doesn't seem to mind at all, in fact using the way one of them has latched onto her fingertip to--oh hells,  _ pop the thing in her mouth, whole. _

Maybe his helmet is enough to hide the disgusted face he makes but not the noise. 

 

Commander Tano tilts her head at him. “What? 'S good.” 

“It's a  _ lizard.  _ A live one,” he says, swallowing the bitter taste welling in his mouth. 

“Well, yeah, if you cook 'em they get all dried out and stringy,” Skywalker says, like it's obvious. Still prone, still at least a quarter asleep. “'S the desert. Need all the moisture you can get.”

Commander Tano nods and picks a bit of lizard out of her teeth with her claws, licking them clean. 

 

“Wait, you--?” 

 

Commander Tano having weird tastes he could understand. Rationalize. She was an alien, and an entirely carnivorous one at that, but the  _ General? _

Skywalker pulls the cloth off his face, squinting at him skeptically. “Yeah, why not? High protein, low fat…”

“High calcium, too,” Commander Tano adds, and holds out her still squeaking, still squirming handful of prey, offering him one. 

 

Skywalker sits up and takes it instead. 

 

“Nah, humans, we can't eat them whole. Have to get the venom sacs out first,” he explains, and calmly twists the little creature's head off, pulling out the gooey, bright purple venom glands and a good bit of its guts. “See?”

 

That's not helping. 

 

“Your loss,” Commander Tano says, shrugging, and then eats another lizard. “There's a… I dunno, kinda spicy taste? It's like… what's that tropical fruit with the enzymes that tries to eat your tongue? It's like that, but savory. It's delicious.” 

“Huh, yeah actually, that does sound good,” Skywalker says. 

 

He at least pulls his apart with his fingers, licking them clean after every bite. 

 

“Dunno why you're so squeamish,” Commander Tano says, down to her last two lizardlings. 

Skywalker grunts in agreement. “Aren't you supposed to be able to digest anything?”

_ “Can  _ doesn't mean  _ should,”  _ he grumbles defensively, but the way they're both happily crunching through the entire nest is making him wonder if he really is the odd man out. 

 

Thus, existential crisis. Is this… normal? It's not like he has any idea what constitutes as  _ normal _ for Humans. He's a  _ clone.  _ His education was entirely through holosims, and things like  _ what are normal Human foods?  _ wasn't exactly relevant material when he and everyone he'd ever known had never heard of or experienced anything but ration bars until after they got off Kamino.

Commander Tano tosses her Master the next-to-last lizardling and he emphatically decides that no, doesn't matter if he's the weird one. He's going to draw the line at lizards. Fuckin natborns.

  
  
  
  



End file.
